Life: Tough, this week.

I’ve written lots of design led posts just recently, descriptions of jobs done & in progress, images of before & afters, client based successes  etc etc, and in some subconscious way it’s been my attempt to shift to one side life’s difficulties and write about the positives I feel when I create, in my eyes anyway, gorgeous interiors.

Stopped in my tracks though today and I’ve realised I have to take a little step back and deal with all the life-stuff which is piling up. It’s funny, isn’t it, if you’re a do-er, that you can ignore, blind-side and side-line all sorts of things, illness, tiredness, stress, pressures, and just keep ploughing forward but there comes a point when life goes “Whoah. Stop. Here’s the wall. You just hit it. No further. Sit this one out.”

Back in July I was on a four week intensive pain management course following my non-recovery from a car accident four years ago. It was a revelation, being in a room with other people who had chronic pain, that is to say every day pain which never goes away but just fluctuates according to what you do or don’t do. I’d always thought that one day I’d just wake up and the pain would be gone and I’d be back to full 100% Moregeous capability, so the course was very difficult at times, for me. It was all about acceptance. Acceptance that I wouldn’t be the person I was before, the unstoppable manic 24-7-12-52 whirling dervish of activity who could do a 12 hour day of decorating and skip filling then go out on the beers and start again the next day at 8am. And do that every day of every week. Acceptance I’d have to become a different person, to be frank, against my will. Piled on top of that is the constant battle which is the court case associated with the accident. The battle to prove a) that you are actually in pain, despite the fact that you are still running a business and smiling occasionally, and b) that your business and livelihood suffered and by how much. Accounts and bookwork are not my strong point, the very thought brings me out in hives, literally.

So to today, a combination of some very very stressful bits and pieces. A conference call with the barrister, which I’d wound myself up for. A realisation that I’d still got several days worth of accounts based information to gather. An appointment for next week at the doctors as they now think the weird and wonderful cauliflower like hand problems I have had for 18 months are lupus – yeh yeh like Lady Gaga. An bloody hideous situation with tenants who destroyed one of my apartments a few months ago. Possibly going back to court over a family situation…. etc etc etc

And the worst today. My beloved Mia. The most gorgeous cat in the whole world. To me anyway, for fourteen years. Hard when they say it might be cancer. Me falling apart I can deal with. Her, not so much.

Might have to take a few days off from blogging, tweeting and social interaction, as cathartic as this has been. I need a rest x

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8 thoughts on “Life: Tough, this week.

  1. You’ve been a trooper, you’re always manically busy and from the outside appear to be juggling several jobs and a great social life! It makes it even more incredible when you’re faced with issues like this, keep in there!

    Best of luck for Mia, I’m sure all will work out

    X

  2. As I am a relatively new follower of your blog and on Twitter, I had no idea this was going on. At the risk of this sounding like platitudes, I can’t imagine how tough it must be. I hope your time out gives you a chance for some semblance of rest and recuperation and that things calm down for you.

  3. God, that legal nightmare still going on? They know how to take their sweet fecking time!

    Poor Mia 😦 Am sure you’ll give her lots of love. Give yourself some too, sounds like you could do with some chill-out time this weekend, if at all possible.

    x

    • Lawyers eh, though to be fair on them I don’t think the complexities of my case have made it any easier! Can’t BELIEVE it’s Mr M who’s had the weekend in Spain, something’s not right somewhere…..

  4. Hi Sian, only just seen this, and really very sorry that you’re having a tough time right now. How desperately sad about your cat – I remember watching you dote on her. Nothing much anyone can say in these circumstances to make you feel better, but I’m thinking of you.

    On the lupus front, did you know I have it? Also know quite a few other people who have it. All the ‘worst case scenario’ newspaper write-ups that followed Lady Gaga’s diagnosis are incredibly rare – modern drugs manage lupus just fine. Obviously I’d rather not have it, but on a day to day basis, it’s honestly not a big deal. Try not to worry.

    Do get in touch if you’re still heading down to 100% Design x

    • Hi Priyanka
      Thanks for that x
      Lupus front – they are still doing tests as everything’s been ‘borderline’ but it’s the closest we’ve come to a diagnosis? For me, if that’s what it is, it manifests itself entirely on my hands which is a bit of a mare, but I know it’s different for everyone. Mia’s op tmw, so if I get to 100% it’ll be weekend, dependent. Will text you.

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