I’ve written lots of design led posts just recently, descriptions of jobs done & in progress, images of before & afters, client based successes etc etc, and in some subconscious way it’s been my attempt to shift to one side life’s difficulties and write about the positives I feel when I create, in my eyes anyway, gorgeous interiors.
Stopped in my tracks though today and I’ve realised I have to take a little step back and deal with all the life-stuff which is piling up. It’s funny, isn’t it, if you’re a do-er, that you can ignore, blind-side and side-line all sorts of things, illness, tiredness, stress, pressures, and just keep ploughing forward but there comes a point when life goes “Whoah. Stop. Here’s the wall. You just hit it. No further. Sit this one out.”
Back in July I was on a four week intensive pain management course following my non-recovery from a car accident four years ago. It was a revelation, being in a room with other people who had chronic pain, that is to say every day pain which never goes away but just fluctuates according to what you do or don’t do. I’d always thought that one day I’d just wake up and the pain would be gone and I’d be back to full 100% Moregeous capability, so the course was very difficult at times, for me. It was all about acceptance. Acceptance that I wouldn’t be the person I was before, the unstoppable manic 24-7-12-52 whirling dervish of activity who could do a 12 hour day of decorating and skip filling then go out on the beers and start again the next day at 8am. And do that every day of every week. Acceptance I’d have to become a different person, to be frank, against my will. Piled on top of that is the constant battle which is the court case associated with the accident. The battle to prove a) that you are actually in pain, despite the fact that you are still running a business and smiling occasionally, and b) that your business and livelihood suffered and by how much. Accounts and bookwork are not my strong point, the very thought brings me out in hives, literally.
So to today, a combination of some very very stressful bits and pieces. A conference call with the barrister, which I’d wound myself up for. A realisation that I’d still got several days worth of accounts based information to gather. An appointment for next week at the doctors as they now think the weird and wonderful cauliflower like hand problems I have had for 18 months are lupus – yeh yeh like Lady Gaga. An bloody hideous situation with tenants who destroyed one of my apartments a few months ago. Possibly going back to court over a family situation…. etc etc etc
And the worst today. My beloved Mia. The most gorgeous cat in the whole world. To me anyway, for fourteen years. Hard when they say it might be cancer. Me falling apart I can deal with. Her, not so much.
Might have to take a few days off from blogging, tweeting and social interaction, as cathartic as this has been. I need a rest x