Major Home Renovations – Pooping Perfect

2016-03-18-1458334535-7449788-Poop_1-thumb.jpeg

Credit: Shutterstock / Jennifer Bui/Thrillist

An article on HuffPost REALLY made me laugh this morning. Apparently “Couples that are happy talking about Poop are the happiest couples”. Yes folks, that’s poop, like the stuff small poodles do. It makes for a “more relaxed, more intimate, more hilarious union”.

Having spent 18 months living on the site of a huge renovation, in one room, with the loo behind a screen about 1m from our double bed, as you can imagine there are no longer any Poop intimacy issues here. I reckon it’s a good test of any relationship for a couple to live a year’s entire existence in one room with nowhere else to escape to.

This is the imaginary conversation in the HuffPost article:

  • Person 1: “Hey, babe, mind if I jump in the bathroom before we go out?”
  • Person 2: “Sure! I’ll just wait outside.”
  • Person 1: “Oh, it’ll probably be a few minutes. I have to…”
  • Person 2: “Poop?”
  • Person 1: “Yes, I have to poop. So, wait inside or you’ll catch a cold. Shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes.”
  • Person 2: “Cool! I love you.”

This “poop conversation breaks down walls and secures a level of intimacy few people get to experience with other people in their lives.”

Or, alternatively you could condense your entire existence, properly get to know each other and have conversations like this during the Night Manager, whilst attempting a weekly fix of glamour and location inspiration:

  • Person 1: “Can you turn the telly up?”
  • Person 2: “Oh not again, you already went this morning and nearly killed me”
  • Person 1: “Put your ear plugs in and stop moaning”
  • Person 2: “Is it going to be bad?”
  • Person 1: “Possibly. Hard to say.”
  • Two minutes later
  • Person 2: “OH MY GOD, THAT’S DISGUSTING. CHRIST. Who even are you? How am I in a relationship with you?” *Pulls duvet over head*
  • Person 1: *Giggling* “No way are mine as bad as yours”
  • Person 2: *Muffled* “You’re kidding right, mine are like a summer garden compared to yours. You stink. You need to see a doctor”
  • Person 1: “Yours are worse”
  • Person 2: “No, yours are.”
  • Person 1: “Love me, love my bottom”
  • Person 2: “You know I love your bottom. I just don’t love what comes out of it”
  • Person 1: “Even the Queen poos you know.”
  • Person 2: “Not in my bedroom she doesn’t”

Sharing your life with someone is one thing, as is sharing your bathroom. Sharing a renovation is a whole new dimension of intimacy and one which isn’t generally factored into the decision making process. Few couples will ever achieve this higher plane of relationship candour and you definitely won’t read about how to deal with it in Real Homes magazine.

It’s also why most couples going through a major renovation project suddenly up the budget halfway through works and factor in separate bathrooms. Watch Grand Designs, you’ll see  😉

Read the original article by Jeremy Glass HERE

 

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